Cheeseburger In Paradise? Not Exactly.

If you needed any further proof that guys are dopes, here's an Ohio sheriff's report detailing what weapon one schmuck recently used to assault his girlfriend (the man was just convicted and sentenced to 30 days in jail). And we thought nobody would top the drunken putz wielding the large fish. (2 pages)

UPDATES:

1) Turns out she didn't have herpes after all. Case gets dropped, but where does maligned CPR dummy go to get back its reputation?

2) Blue Christmas: Copyright case settled as porno pirates agree to destroy X-rated albums, pay monetary damages. But has Frosty been permanently damaged?

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No, the picky diva isn't Whitney Houston.